So, I’ve had this flare going on since Christmas. Twice I was elated that it had passed, tricked into thinking all was well once more and I began in earnest to ticking off all the outstanding chores that built up whilst I was out of action. Only a day went by before the pain erupted and I was swamped with fatigue. Roll forward another few weeks and the same thing happened all over again.
I will confess that being a mother I am tormented by guilt; guilt that my kiddos have to observe their mother this way; guilt that my laundry has built up to monstrous proportions and that ‘take out’ will have to replace home cooking.
I’m also very aware that the longer this goes on, the harder it will be to face the world positively but that I absolutely need to or I could remain depressed which is brutal all round and/or I’ll trigger the pain cycle once more.
So this blog post will use funny to draw attention to the nuances of Fibro; one in an attempt to make myself feel a bit more upbeat, a little bit of catharsis’s and two it’s def much easier for others to want to read about and ‘get’ the experiences of others. Here we go…
Final note to my readers. By no means have I intended to underplay the experience of other fibromyalgia sufferers, this post aimed to capture the pain and suffering caused by fibromyalgia in a manner that enables me to process the affliction when I’m not feeling so good.
So, this is my first blog. The initial one. The breaker-in and I’m about to stray off my planner to write about the events leading up to this blog and how, I as a professional woman, fell for the most common trick in the book by believing that a complete stranger wanted to help my business, for no other reason than being nice – something I’ve taught my two not to believe since they were old enough to hold electronics.
As a Virgo and a Mother of two, my mind never stops. 24/7. Even when I sleep I wake up thinking ‘what the hell’ ‘cos my dreams are as vivid and clear as though I’m living through them. Some are so realistic that it takes me hours to shake them off! Anyone else?
Anyways, a particular flaw of mine is that I’d analyse two flies walking up a wall… frustrating as hell to me because I lie in bed every night and I’ll analyse the minute details of the day, even those spent wandering around the house aimlessly searching for something that that I hadn’t cleaned, fixed or organised since lockdown number 1.
It’s particularly difficult for those around me because I tend to challenge their funny looks, their stillness, their breathing… I know, I don’t sound too well, but don’t fret, I’m perfectly fine, it’s just the fixer in me, it’s just who I am, Më, Jüst Më.
So, I’ve thought about setting up my own small business for about 8 years now and believe me I’ve thought the ins and outs of it to death! The time finally arrived when I decided to take the leap; I’ve a chronic illness ya see, which can incapacitate me from the world for sometimes over a week, so leap it was. Anyways, once I made my mind up I began in earnest to research the ins and outs of becoming a small business owner, filling pukka project pads by the 5’s with all the relevant information.
One section that I spent a fair bit of time on was branding, marketing and PR; and lucky me, didn’t I find an online link in Pinterest that directed me to a successful entrepreneur’s story, with, now wait for it, the option to sign up to a free email newsletter which would basically be my A-Z of business start up. I. Was. Delighted.
Interestingly enough, this ultra successful lady, 😌 advised that the success of my business would treble if I had a coinciding blog (and here I am…) advertising my products on a variety of different social platforms – sounds legit enough right? All I had to do was sign up for ‘instant’ emails and she’d guide me all the way.
Bumbling with excitement and multiplying the £ signs in my mind, I knew that with the Lady’s guidance, my wee business would shine. So I created a list – I love lists, there’s something very fulfilling about adding a different coloured tick beside a completed task – and with a variety of objectives to fulfil, I started the ball rolling in a methodical manner, filling my page eagerly with ticks.
Now I’m the type of person who subscribes to every website because I’m sure I’m going to get an offer or a deal on something that I don’t need, a Covid complication that I might need therapy for, and I promise myself that I’ll unsubscribe if the emails aren’t useful. This rarely happens because I never have the motivation to go the hundreds of glitzy, flashing emails I get daily.
But, never say never, because one boring Sunday afternoon I decided to do just that and wiped the entirety of my main email account. Well the feeling of success I got was enough to spur me onto clearing my other accounts. Within a day though I noticed that my emails were accumulating at a staggering rate, from accounts I’d never heard of, all offering me font packages, digital layouts Social Media templates and so on for my blog. Being a beginner blogger, my initial thought was, frick, this wasn’t something id factored in, not to mention that my bank balance was in its last throes of death – but, in chirps my inner thoughts… this must be the going standard for blogs these days and sure won’t the $186 be an investment into the business that was going to boom? Thankfully, the other 99 emails alerted me to the similarity of their content and costs, all with the overriding American theme.
I learned through the many feedback forms requesting a reason as to why I ignored their offers 🙄 that ‘ultra successful lady’ was at the centre of all these unwarranted communications; when I signed up to her, I signed up them. No wonder she was minted!
Thankfully, the maturity and wit that comes with my age and experience (or should), kicked in and after painstakingly deleting all and unsubscribing from the majority of the emails, it duly dawned on me that the A-Z of business setup was phantom also and I’d need to put the leg work in like every other hopeful entrepreneur.
A few solid lessons learned, costing me time and a dented ego, but thankfully no money. I learned that age/maturity doesn’t matter when you want something bad enough and there’s an attractive offer online and that I’d overestimated my level of experience of ‘online’, falling flat on my COVID tired face.
Seriously though, internet security isn’t to be laughed at. I got off lightly after being new blood and starry eyed in a field yet unknown to me, it could’ve been much worse.