Starting a Small Business with a Chronic Illness

Starting a Small Business whilst living with a Chronic Illness

I’m a proud woman. A competitive one too. Mainly with myself though, I’ve little interest in competing with others – that’s not in my nature. I find it difficult to stop going and doing even when my body reminds me it’s time for a break. Living with a chronic illness, I notice my body’s signs reminding me more often to stop and that’s hugely frustrating to me. I’m not old; I’m much too young to be feeling like this. That’s the mantra constantly running through my mind.

My business is due for launch in May and because of symptoms of Fibromyalgia, I’m running behind schedule. The problem with this is that the stress of missing a few deadlines is exacerbating my symptoms even further. I’m now in full flare.

What this means is that I’m in a lot of physical pain. I call it flitting pain because it moves around my body like a the ball in a pinball machine, with an Olympian gold winner playing the ball. It’s full body; nowhere is exempt, even my cheekbones are fair play for the insatiable Fibro.

This flare has been threatening for about two months now – I’ve not been feeling well for a long time with mini flares; short bursts of pain for a day or two, fatigue, digestive issues, low mood, and ignoring them, trying to continue on as normal, has accumulated to this ‘super flare’.

The pain is exhausting and nauseating. It’s so deep in the bones of my hands, my feet, legs, my back, knees, hips, that it makes me feel truly nauseous.

Creating a small business is no mean feat as I’m continually learning. And the more I learn, the more there is to learn:- it’s not only the creation of my products, which has been in progress for around a year now, but PR, Branding, Market Places, Pricing, Legal Requirements… and that’s just a short synopsis.

I’ve been working a lot throughout the night because sleep is elusive. I try to ignore the pain by focusing on the business. I’m not sure whether it’s working or if it’s making it worse but I can’t stand to be behind on my daily goals. It’s so frustrating because it’s a personal thing, a Virgo thing too. I can’t bare to fail. Failure isn’t acceptable to me, which I know adds surmountable stress to my life and amplifies my symptoms tenfold.

I know that acceptance is half the battle to living with Fibromyalgia. I go through periods of acceptance and living easier and being kinder to myself but this makes me feel old and infirm. It’s like my mind can’t accept that my body isn’t able to do what it should be able to do and physically no one can see a thing wrong me:- when I feel my bones breaking there’s no physical fracture nor a plaster-cast to fix it.

I’m still resentful of it and I know that this holds me back; in terms of management and recovery. I genuinely can’t help it though. I resent the moment it entered my life and resent the reasons the reasons why it entered my world. There’s a hell of a lot of resentment still here 4 years on – it’s clearly something that I need to practice on and work through. The last chapter in my journey of healing.

As far as the administration is concerned I’m where I should be, actually my ahead of myself – yayyyy, but product building is being held up by a variety of factors:

I need my hands and feet – but the bones feel like they’re snapping
I feel exhausted to my core
My mojo is depleted – I definitely feel low because of my lack of energy
My label manufacturer is running behind
I’m feeling a little apprehensive, new business nerves I think – is this normal?
I’ve just started my Postgrad; not the best of timing but I’ve to go with the university’s timeframes – again putting phenomenal pressure on myself but I must live my life and fulfil my life’s goals.

The Aromas that I’ve made are gorgeous. They’re also relaxing, uplifting, grounding and balancing; everything that I aimed for. I’m hugely proud of them and can’t wait for others to experience them. They’re unique and I created them; it’s a special time, regardless of running behind schedule. I will say this, I was floating, literally, for days afterwards – I definitely should’ve wore a safety mask to prevent me breathing in so much 😅

I’ll get there. I’ll be ready for launch day. It’ll just require some burning of the midnight oil. If I’m anything at all, I’m determined and will always see things through. It’s my super power.